Earlier this week I watched a movie a friend had lent me called "Sliding Doors." Its an older movie from the 90s, but it was new to me. (I know, I must live under a rock or something..?) I had no idea what the movie was going to be about or how it would impact my thought process that night as it did.
As the movie starts out we see the main character Helen (Gwyneth Paltrow) living a comfortable, great life in a nice apartment in England with her author boyfriend, Jerry, (who, unbeknownst to her, cheats on her everyday while shes at work...)
She goes off to work that morning like any other, but arrives only to be told that she has been fired. Bummer.
So she packs up her stuff and heads to the train station to go back home, but just as she is approaching the train the sliding doors close right in front of her and the intercom announces that the next train is not for another hour.
Obviously this is not Helen's best day. We've all been there too...The rest of the movie parallels Helen's life in two scenarios...The one above, where she misses the train and the second in which she arrives just a few seconds earlier and gets on.
The way her life plays out in each are in complete contrast with each other. One seemingly insignificant occurrence—missing a train—not only altered the course of her day, but of her life in the bigger picture as well.
Timing really is everything.
Well, this is what got me thinking…How would my life be if certain things had happened differently? Or had not ever happened? What would my life look like right now? What would I be doing? Who would I be doing it with? …or on the flip side, Would I still even be alive at all!?
Those questions, their answers and the emotions that come along with them are overwhelming and paralyzing. The possible scenarios are endless.
Does my life resemble in any way, shape or form what I would have imagined it to or would have wanted it to, at 23 years old? Umm... No. Not even in the slightest bit.
I am learning that entertaining these thoughts really does nothing except to invite feelings of insecurity, doubt and fear… and this is exactly where my mind was going with all of this.
I needed a distraction, now, fast.
So I decided to turn on my computer...only to see in the time I was spending sitting here thinking these overwhelming “what if” thoughts about my life, this blog had just reached over 90,000 views! On YouTube, the “Counting on a Coma” report that FOX news did about my story has had nearly 50,000 views! I have several emails of encouragement in my inbox, many from others who are suffering in a similar way, some without a diagnosis, who after hearing my story are now getting the help that they need, or feeling hopeful about their situations again… This all completely blows my mind. How God would choose to use my story and pain to help others is beyond my comprehension. My strength is instantly renewed, I am so incredibly humbled.
Sure, my life may not look the way I envisioned. But God has made such incredible provision for me along the way! This is what I need to focus on and be constantly aware of. Not the doubts. Not the “what if’s”.
Interestingly, in end of Sliding Doors, Helen’s life in both scenarios has the same end result... she is in an accident. However, every detail leading up to how she arrives there—to the type of accident, the circumstances, the opportunities and challenges, the hospital she is in, the doctors who attempt to save her life, the people who are sitting at her bedside--- are all completely different.
Wow. We don’t know why some things happen. We may never know. Even though we may not always ‘see’ it or ‘feel’ it, God is always at work orchestrating our lives—every little, seemingly insignificant detail! My job, our job, is just to trust Him in whatever circumstances we find ourselves in.
That sounds simple enough. But it’s a hard lesson, one I am sure I will spend the rest of my life learning over and over, and over, again. Just like I did tonight.
I do know that He wants us to live way beyond the shadows of our doubts! And that is a promise I can most definitely trust in, always.
I just wanted to say thank you to everyone who has followed my story this far. 90,000 hits to this blog… just awesome! Thank you for all of your love, encouragement, support and prayers. I know there is no way I will ever be able to thank each person individually, but I just want to you to know that I am doing incredibly well and you have made a difference in my life, more than you will ever know and more than I will ever be able to say.
I thank God for you all!!
In God's incredible love,Jessica
John 11:14
When he heard this, Jesus said, “This sickness will not end in death. No, it is for God’s glory so that God’s Son may be glorified through it.”
To Post A Comment-CLICK on Comments Below***
I have never seen that movie. Hmm ...
ReplyDeleteI am very grateful to God that you are doing so well. I, too, often recall that verse in the Bible
John 11:14
When he heard this, Jesus said, “This sickness will not end in death. No, it is for God’s glory so that God’s Son may be glorified through it.”
He has definitely been glorified through this.
We look forward to continued updates from you. It is so encouraging to those of us still struggling. It is encouraging to hear from all who are recovering from this and are living life, thanks be to God.
May the next leg of your journey take you homeward bound.
With love and prayers,
The Turners
Dearest Jess, I continue to be amazed at the thought of the progress you have made... Your life is truly a miracle, one that we are all witness to through your and your amazing mom's blog. (Hi Gina!! :) Through your courage and faith, by hanging on and making it through every day no matter how hard, you have inspired us to make it through our lesser challenges. Thank you for that! Keep on praying and hanging in there~~ you are super special girl!!! Please give your mom a big hug for me!! Love, Angel xoxoxoxoxo
ReplyDeleteDear Jessica (and her Amazing Mom!)
ReplyDeleteJohn and I are so fortunate to have been able to enter though the "sliding doors" onto the 8'th floor of Hospital San Jose. It was April, 2010 when we first met the two of you. In so many ways, it seems like we've known you forever. I think it is because both you and your Mom opened your arms and hearts to us. We were strangers before that day and you both helped us often during our 2 week stay. During that time, we came to know you a little and we saw something we had never seen with our eyes before. The incredible strength of a young woman and her Mom, living through what anyone would call a "living nightmare" and doing it with Faith, Grace & Humor. I recall thinking..."how can this be?" You have gotten us through some of our very tough times because you are a living example of courage and "Grace Under Fire." Hymmmm...Wow, I just heard those words in my head and when you think of RSD, you think of FIRE and yes, you were and are literally Grace UNDER FIRE. I am rambling, but sometimes, you leave me awestruck with your blog. Jessica, you are so wise beyond your young years. Thank you for this story, for teaching us the importance of trusting God's decisions. Thank you Sara Gina for being a shining example of a Mother's unconditional love and for restoring Hope in all our lives. We love you both!
Love,
Rosemary and John
Thank you, God, for Jessica!
ReplyDeleteI have not seen this movie but I have certainly reflected as you have. Timing is EVERYTHING! God be felt by you today as you touch so many through Him
ReplyDeleteOne of the 90,000.
ReplyDeleteI visit your blog, often but have never left a comment, nor have I ever "blogged" on anyone's site. I hang on every word you (and your mother) have written. Such courage and love is rare in the
world and certainly such clarity of thought is rare in a woman as young as yourself!
Forgive me if this is not the right forum. I am not familiar with the proper protocol, but
my own, dear, cousin Molly is in the last stage of neurological Lyme. She has lived, isolated, in a darkened room at her parent's house the past two years. She suffers horribly from intense
hypercusis. For her, every sensation is a torment. She does not sleep. She exists on pure, nervous energy. She is in a constant state of high anxiety. Her body is host to a toxic brew of infections, heavy metals, mold, fungus, stress hormones, etc. Every nerve remaining that can feel, feels pain, every waking moment. No treatment (and she has tried scores) has helped her
but, rather, each has moved her ever closer to the abyss. She yearns with equal intensity
to both end her suffering by taking her own life and reclaim the life she once had. She
fears for her sanity.
Anyway, much of what she is living, you have lived. Although she shares symptoms of CRPS, hers is not a classic case so she would not qualify as a study subject. Actually, I think the study is over. But you have been through the Ketamine Coma. You know Dr. Cantu. Your own Doc is
Dr. Kirkpatrick. I assume you are in Monterrey, right now (from reading your July 29 blog).
We don't wish to burden you or your marvelous family but we beg an audience with you. Just
to learn some of the details of what is involved in getting admitted to Dr. Cantu's care, of
transport in air ambulance. We have a million questions. Molly is ready to go under, ready
to undertake the trip (in a state of oblivion -- otherwise impossible). But we need some
particulars on what lies ahead.
I understand this is a lot to ask. I understand you and your own family are in crisis right
now. Please, though, is there any chance we could speak to your mother, any chance Molly's
mother and your mother could speak?
My address is s_gh@yahoo.com. My name is "Stu." Is there a private email address where I
might communicate with you? With your mother?
As I follow your progress I will anxiously be awaiting word.
Thanks, in advance, for your kind consideration and may the Angels smile upon you in your
own quest to reclaim your health!
Sliding doors are not invisible, but it is not uncommon for accidents to happen because people didn’t realize the sliding door was shut.
ReplyDelete