Finally, yesterday afternoon the rain cleared up and the sun came out. Mom and I jumped at the chance to go out and get some fresh air. There’s a little area on the first floor of our building that overlooks the mountain. I love to sit down there. Seeing the sky, listening to the birds and feeling the breeze, to me, is as amazing as it gets.
So mom helped me wheel down and she went back upstairs to make us lunch.
As soon as she left me the sky started to get really dark. Clouds started rolling in and within minutes I couldn’t even see the mountain anymore! I knew it was going to rain, hard, any second.
And it did. As I sat there getting completely soaked I found myself trying to remember when the last time I had actually felt rain on my skin was!
It didn’t take me long to remember.
It was when I was in Tampa Florida to be evaluated by Dr. Kirkpatrick to see if I was a candidate to come to Monterrey for the Ketamine Coma study with Dr. Cantu.
As we got ready to leave his office it began pouring rain. In Florida these rain storms usually only last 10-15 minutes, so we waited…and waited. But it didn’t stop.
We finally had to just go for it.The EMT’s pulled the ambulance up as close as they could to the door and worked as quickly as possible to get me in.
Unfortunately, not quick enough.
The pain of the rain hitting my skin was so intense… like both hot drops of lava and cold sharp ice picks hitting me all at once. I can’t even describe it. I decided to try and just hold my breath and stay calm so everyone could do their jobs more quickly and effectively.
Well, that plan went out the window the second a few raindrops landed on my right arm, which at that time was covered with about 50 open, bleeding skin lesions.
That did it. I completely lost it. I shrieked in pain.
By the time we were in the ambulance I was in crisis mode. The EMT’s looked on in horror as my arm changed colors, bled, contorted into weird positions and my entire body shook uncontrollably. They tried to help, but there was nothing they could do.
I remember the EMT who was riding in back with me, commenting that every hair on my body was standing straight up, like I had been electrocuted. If only he knew, that is exactly what RSD pain feels like... all of the time.
He turned to my mom, “Is it always this bad? I have never seen anything like this before.”
Yeah, that pretty much sums up RSD pain too… not like anything you’ve seen or felt before, ever.
It was only a 5 minute ride, but it seemed so much longer.
As I thought back to that last time I felt the rain, I was overwhelmed with how different it felt to me now.
Here I was, getting drenched… and I felt… wet. No boiling lava or stabbing icicles. Just happily wet!
When my mom realized it was raining, she rushed downstairs expecting to rescue me… but instead, she found me sitting there, taking pictures of the (now invisible) mountain, loving the feeling of the rain! We both sat in the rain together for a few minutes literally soaking it all in, thanking God for bringing us to this point.
I had heard a song earlier this month that I really liked. It is called “Blessings” by Laura Story. The chorus of the song goes, “What if your blessings come through raindrops/ What if your healing comes through tears/ What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You’re near/ What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise."
I liked the song originally because of its message of how even in the hardest, most painful things we will ever go through, God is always there to love us, guide us and help us through.
But now, this song has a dual meaning to me... Yesterday, my blessing literally came through being able to feel raindrops!
These are the pictures I took as the storm approached:
This is what it looked like when mom brought me outside
This is about 3 minutes later!!!
Thank you Jesus for the rain and for bringing us through it! Amen!
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15 comments:
Tears are flowing as I read this post to my family. How very encouraging and an accurate description of what RSD feels like. What a poignant post.
How very far you have come in just a few short years.
Funny but both my husband and daughter have heard this song but I have not yet heard it. I will have to give it a listen.
May you continue to feel His healing grace and always enjoy the raindrops.
With love and prayers,
The Turners
Dear Jessica,
Thank you so much for this beautiful story and pictures. We are so very happy to hear that the rain brought laughter and joy! We will check out the song and enjoy it so much more after reading your story.
Love,
The Jarvis Family
Mark, Kathy, Kerri and Erin
Dear Jessica,
It was just about one month ago that you were going for surgery and here you are sitting in a downpour and loving it! Your strength and Faith in God has inspired us in more ways than we can express. This is a beautiful story and it just goes to show how miracles are bestowed in some very strange ways. Yes, being able to enjoy the raindrops is one of the many miracles God has granted you. It is with great anticipation that we look forward to hearing about each and every new experience as your life comes back to you in small, but powerful messages from heaven.
All Our Love,
Rosemary and John
I know what you mean when you describe the sensation of water hitting an RSD body. I still have that in the shower though not quite as bad as pre coma days. I am so glad that you could feel the Lord in this rain and that He has healed you of this intense pain! What a gift!
Dearest Jess, Tears are flowing as I read this post, appreciating how eloquently you are able to express the immense challenges that you have faced with RSD, and the profound faith that has gotten you through them. I thank God that He has given you back the ability to communicate, and that you can blog. We all benefit from your messages and your example. You and your amazing mom are so special to all of us. I am so thrilled at your progress. You go, girl!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Love always, Angel xoxoxoxoxo
Streams in the Desert - quote from Matthew Henry:
"We can depend on God to fulfill His promise, even when all the roads leading to it are closed. 'For no matter how many promises God has made, they are "yes" in Christ. And so through him the "Amen" [so be it] is spoken by us to the glory of God". [2cor 1:20]
http://www.godvine.com/Man-Dies-and-Returns-to-Life-on-the-Operating-Table-420.html
Wow!
http://www.godvine.com/Girl-With-No-Fingers-Plays-the-Piano-Beautifully-310.html
She is plaing a nice tune. Enjoy!
Hi Jesicha, I heard about your story from a friend of your brothers. I am praying for you and your family. I am so impressed by your courage an I know you are going to be fine. God Bless You, Karin
See how God is using His people to grow the kingdom
http://www.irismin.org/news/newsletters/view/core-values-at-iris
We as a missions-oriented body are in fact enjoying God and our life of service to Him to a degree Heidi and I never anticipated thirty years ago when we first headed for the mission field.
The meetings were also a chance for us as leaders to articulate like never before what it is that makes Iris "Iris." The word is Greek and also Portuguese for "rainbow," as Heidi and I began as a Christian dance-drama ministry called "Rainbow Productions." We saw our different creative talents as colors of a rainbow that the "Son" shines through, giving a beautiful result.
Missions has often been taught as unromantic; it is disciplined obedience to the Great Commission. Prayer is hard work, feelings are irrelevant, getting the job done is what counts. We don't need spiritual experience to proclaim the Gospel. We can't expect immediacy and intimacy to be normal. We can function without His manifest Presence.
We feel the opposite. We've gone through enough fire and hardship to know that without actually finding God, in fulfillment of Jer. 29:13, we cannot do what we do. We cannot love with supernatural, unstoppable love unless we actually experience the love of the Father for us first. As the radiance and exact image of the invisible God, Jesus is a spiritual lover, our perfect and ultimate companion. Our first value is to know Him in a passionate relationship with a love that is stronger than death (Song 8:6). We major first of all not on mission strategy, methods, projects and fund-raising, but having the life that the world needs and craves.
2) We are totally dependent on Him for everything, and we need and expect miracles of all kinds to sustain us and confirm the Gospel in our ministry.
When facing great human need with our human frailties, we rapidly reach the limits of our resources, wisdom and love. We face overwhelming poverty, sickness, demonic attacks and every kind of evil. But with excitement and joy we aim beyond what we can imagine doing in our own strength. We run into the darkness looking for bad news because it is the power of God that gives the world hope. We don't apologize for seeking and valuing power, because without it love is incomplete and ineffectual.
We believe we experience miracles because we value them and ask for them, understanding that He will give them to us only if they will not take us further from Him. For His sake we will lose our lives daily, knowing that by His power we cannot lose, but will be sustained and become more than conquerors.
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Hi Jessica!
I have been following your story and looking in on you from time to time. I am so happy to hear of your progress. Praise Jesus! Your story of faith is the most beautiful witness! I loved that you could enjoy the raindrops this time and the song, "Blessings" is now downloaded to my desktop. I never heard it before and I am experiencing a time when I really needed that song! I do believe that you have a ministry here! I am praying for your 100% complete healing and I thank God for the faith that you and your family have shared along this pathway!
Love always,
Regina xox (Dad's cousin)
Oh my . . . be still my heart. You have the most beautiful way of putting your words into writing . . . Thank you for sharing your story with us. Keep up those leaps & bounds, dear Jessica.
Thoughts, prayers, love and best wishes to you & your mom.
Renee Klatt
Jessica your works are a sweet ring of what Pastor Kevin's sermon was last week. You can say...."dang my shoes are going to get wet walking in this rain...or thank you God for watering my flowerbed.". I see you saying..".no shower needed tonight Mom..God just made us clean with his love"
Always grateful for your friendship Jessica and words of hope and faithfulness.
So happy for your progress.
Love, Nancy and Jose
Dear Jessica
I am so happy to hear of your progress!
I lost my cell phone and i had your phone number there, thats why i didnt call you.
I am praying every days for you and your family.
This is my mail wera_ac@hotmail.com, please send me your phones.
Love
Marimar
just one word
AMAZING
you are
anonimus
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