Finally, yesterday afternoon the rain cleared up and the sun came out. Mom and I jumped at the chance to go out and get some fresh air. There’s a little area on the first floor of our building that overlooks the mountain. I love to sit down there. Seeing the sky, listening to the birds and feeling the breeze, to me, is as amazing as it gets.
So mom helped me wheel down and she went back upstairs to make us lunch.
As soon as she left me the sky started to get really dark. Clouds started rolling in and within minutes I couldn’t even see the mountain anymore! I knew it was going to rain, hard, any second.
And it did. As I sat there getting completely soaked I found myself trying to remember when the last time I had actually felt rain on my skin was!
It didn’t take me long to remember.
It was when I was in Tampa Florida to be evaluated by Dr. Kirkpatrick to see if I was a candidate to come to Monterrey for the Ketamine Coma study with Dr. Cantu.
As we got ready to leave his office it began pouring rain. In Florida these rain storms usually only last 10-15 minutes, so we waited…and waited. But it didn’t stop.
We finally had to just go for it.The EMT’s pulled the ambulance up as close as they could to the door and worked as quickly as possible to get me in.
Unfortunately, not quick enough.
The pain of the rain hitting my skin was so intense… like both hot drops of lava and cold sharp ice picks hitting me all at once. I can’t even describe it. I decided to try and just hold my breath and stay calm so everyone could do their jobs more quickly and effectively.
Well, that plan went out the window the second a few raindrops landed on my right arm, which at that time was covered with about 50 open, bleeding skin lesions.
That did it. I completely lost it. I shrieked in pain.
By the time we were in the ambulance I was in crisis mode. The EMT’s looked on in horror as my arm changed colors, bled, contorted into weird positions and my entire body shook uncontrollably. They tried to help, but there was nothing they could do.
I remember the EMT who was riding in back with me, commenting that every hair on my body was standing straight up, like I had been electrocuted. If only he knew, that is exactly what RSD pain feels like... all of the time.
He turned to my mom, “Is it always this bad? I have never seen anything like this before.”
Yeah, that pretty much sums up RSD pain too… not like anything you’ve seen or felt before, ever.
It was only a 5 minute ride, but it seemed so much longer.
As I thought back to that last time I felt the rain, I was overwhelmed with how different it felt to me now.
Here I was, getting drenched… and I felt… wet. No boiling lava or stabbing icicles. Just happily wet!
When my mom realized it was raining, she rushed downstairs expecting to rescue me… but instead, she found me sitting there, taking pictures of the (now invisible) mountain, loving the feeling of the rain! We both sat in the rain together for a few minutes literally soaking it all in, thanking God for bringing us to this point.
I had heard a song earlier this month that I really liked. It is called “Blessings” by Laura Story. The chorus of the song goes, “What if your blessings come through raindrops/ What if your healing comes through tears/ What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You’re near/ What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise."
I liked the song originally because of its message of how even in the hardest, most painful things we will ever go through, God is always there to love us, guide us and help us through.
But now, this song has a dual meaning to me... Yesterday, my blessing literally came through being able to feel raindrops!
These are the pictures I took as the storm approached:
This is what it looked like when mom brought me outside
This is about 3 minutes later!!!
Thank you Jesus for the rain and for bringing us through it! Amen!
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