Earlier this week I watched a movie a friend had lent me called "Sliding Doors." Its an older movie from the 90s, but it was new to me. (I know, I must live under a rock or something..?) I had no idea what the movie was going to be about or how it would impact my thought process that night as it did.
As the movie starts out we see the main character Helen (Gwyneth Paltrow) living a comfortable, great life in a nice apartment in England with her author boyfriend, Jerry, (who, unbeknownst to her, cheats on her everyday while shes at work...)
She goes off to work that morning like any other, but arrives only to be told that she has been fired. Bummer.
So she packs up her stuff and heads to the train station to go back home, but just as she is approaching the train the sliding doors close right in front of her and the intercom announces that the next train is not for another hour.Obviously this is not Helen's best day. We've all been there too...
The rest of the movie parallels Helen's life in two scenarios...The one above, where she misses the train and the second in which she arrives just a few seconds earlier and gets on.
The way her life plays out in each are in complete contrast with each other. One seemingly insignificant occurrence—missing a train—not only altered the course of her day, but of her life in the bigger picture as well.
Timing really is everything.
Well, this is what got me thinking…How would my life be if certain things had happened differently? Or had not ever happened? What would my life look like right now? What would I be doing? Who would I be doing it with? …or on the flip side, Would I still even be alive at all!?
Those questions, their answers and the emotions that come along with them are overwhelming and paralyzing. The possible scenarios are endless.
Does my life resemble in any way, shape or form what I would have imagined it to or would have wanted it to, at 23 years old? Umm... No. Not even in the slightest bit.
I am learning that entertaining these thoughts really does nothing except to invite feelings of insecurity, doubt and fear… and this is exactly where my mind was going with all of this.
I needed a distraction, now, fast.
So I decided to turn on my computer...only to see in the time I was spending sitting here thinking these overwhelming “what if” thoughts about my life, this blog had just reached over 90,000 views! On YouTube, the “Counting on a Coma” report that FOX news did about my story has had nearly 50,000 views! I have several emails of encouragement in my inbox, many from others who are suffering in a similar way, some without a diagnosis, who after hearing my story are now getting the help that they need, or feeling hopeful about their situations again… This all completely blows my mind. How God would choose to use my story and pain to help others is beyond my comprehension. My strength is instantly renewed, I am so incredibly humbled.
Sure, my life may not look the way I envisioned. But God has made such incredible provision for me along the way! This is what I need to focus on and be constantly aware of. Not the doubts. Not the “what if’s”.
Interestingly, in end of Sliding Doors, Helen’s life in both scenarios has the same end result... she is in an accident. However, every detail leading up to how she arrives there—to the type of accident, the circumstances, the opportunities and challenges, the hospital she is in, the doctors who attempt to save her life, the people who are sitting at her bedside--- are all completely different.
Wow. We don’t know why some things happen. We may never know. Even though we may not always ‘see’ it or ‘feel’ it, God is always at work orchestrating our lives—every little, seemingly insignificant detail! My job, our job, is just to trust Him in whatever circumstances we find ourselves in.
That sounds simple enough. But it’s a hard lesson, one I am sure I will spend the rest of my life learning over and over, and over, again. Just like I did tonight.
I do know that He wants us to live way beyond the shadows of our doubts! And that is a promise I can most definitely trust in, always.
I just wanted to say thank you to everyone who has followed my story this far. 90,000 hits to this blog… just awesome! Thank you for all of your love, encouragement, support and prayers. I know there is no way I will ever be able to thank each person individually, but I just want to you to know that I am doing incredibly well and you have made a difference in my life, more than you will ever know and more than I will ever be able to say.
I thank God for you all!!In God's incredible love,
When he heard this, Jesus said, “This sickness will not end in death. No, it is for God’s glory so that God’s Son may be glorified through it.”
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